Streaks and Struggles, Part 2

I mentioned in my last post, “Life is full of streaks and struggles,” because I’m certain we can all relate. The idea isn’t whether we’ll face struggles, but how we'll respond to them, and learn from them, when we inevitably do face them.

As for my running streak, I was getting into a 5K groove. Run, golf ball stretch, ice, sleep, repeat. It was a painful week after my initial foot pain scare, but I was feeling better and better with each new day. However, it wouldn’t take but 9 days after that incident for another struggle to arise.

Vertigo.

Have you had it? I hope not. It’s not fun. It’s like an all-day dizzy bat race. A disorienting experience that leaves you feeling nauseous, not wanting to do anything but lie down. The first time I had it, I was in bed for 48 hours straight. It was terrible. The only thing that stopped my room from spinning was sleeping.

This time around, it wasn’t as bad, but I knew right away what it was when I woke up. I got up to run, but I got right back in bed. I had hoped to sleep it off and get on with my day. 10:00 AM rolled around, and I was still not feeling right, but I couldn’t miss an important Zoom call. After I signed up for a bunch of things that I didn’t remember later, I fell back asleep. Soon it was Noon, then 2:00 PM…was I ever going to get up? Or go for a run? I tried to get up and get going…no go. 4:00 PM came and went, and by 6:00 PM, my family was eating without me and getting ready to leave for the annual Maundy Thursday evening church service. Not me. I was awake, but not active. I just couldn’t shake it, and they left without me. By 9:00 PM, they were back and said goodnight. I’m not one to lie around, and at this point, I had spent nearly the whole day in bed. Frustrated and disappointed…I fell back asleep.

This time, I had a dream where I went for a run. I don’t know where I was, but it was snowing, the wind blowing thick, heavy flakes in my face, as I ran I did my best to avoid the ice. Despite the rough weather, I was making progress. All of a sudden, my wife and kids pulled up in the minivan driving next to me, cheering me on. I vividly remember thinking…wow, this is tough! Snow, wind, ice…but I’m doing it. And my family is here? Seeing them cheer me on, I thought…wow, this is cool! I got this. Then I woke up.

My watch said it was 10:47 PM. I still had time.

Just before 11:00 PM, as I was walking out the front door, I muttered to my wife, “I’m going to get some fresh air…” and then I took off. It wasn’t great, but the first mile felt a little better than expected. It was a slower-than-normal 11-minute pace, but I was thrilled to keep my mile-a-day running streak alive. Could I keep my secondary 5K streak intact? Over the bridge and into the woods was what lay in front of me. I was weak, wobbly, and fading fast. The farther I ran the farther from home I got. My mind started playing tricks on me. I was hearing noises in the woods. I was struggling to see up ahead in what was the darkest part of the path. I was thinking about the fact that I never actually told my wife where I was going. I imagined myself passing out, waking up to coyotes licking my face, or worse. What am I doing right now? This might be one of the dumbest things I’ve done in a while, I thought. My head was spinning in more ways than one. In that moment, my legs buckled, and I knew it was time to go. I was 1.31 miles in, just short of the 1.55 miles I needed to complete half a 5K before turning around. The next mile slowed to a 15-minute pace, and I thought maybe I’ll get to the end and run down the street and back a couple times to hit my goal. The problem was, when I reached my driveway, 2.63 miles into the run…I had reached my max. I was done, and officially .47 miles short of my secondary 5K streak goal.

Relieved to be home, I leaned down on my knees to keep from falling over, and I nearly yacked in the yard. I stumbled inside, took my shoes off, and raced upstairs to drive the porcelain bus for what seemed like the last half mile I had missed on my run. Not fun. Exhausted and now near midnight, I somehow made it to bed and passed out.

The next day, Good Friday, I was feeling better, determined to have a more productive day. I worked, read, ate, and relaxed in bed…resting and recovering. I once again put off a run, trying to ensure my body felt better than it had the day before. And this time, I resolved to not miss church (we go every week, but in my opinion, Holy Week services are the highlight of the church year) and run when I got home later.

On the way home from church, I was sitting in the middle row of our minivan next to my 11-year-old and 3-year-old boys. When it’s all 7 of us in the van, we always rock a 2-3-2 formation. I’m normally the driver, but this time I sat in the back to get more room as I still wasn’t feeling 100%. I was still a little shaky and weak. Almost home, it was nearly 9:00 PM and dark (and close to bedtime), I leaned over and said to my son, “I still need to get my run in, want to come with me?” There was a pause as he thought about it, then he said, “Sure!”

I didn’t actually think he was going to say yes, but I think he did for three reasons. One, he kind of likes running (more on that later), two, he was nervous I’d get sick and stranded, and three, he got to stay up longer while the others got ready for bed.

We ran half a mile, which got us to the part of the route that connects our neighborhood with the larger trail in the woods. He asked, “You good, Dad?” I was. He typically only runs a mile, so I knew it was best for us to turn around. I was feeling good. He was feeling good. We were feeling good, together. As we got near our cul-de-sac “finish line,” he raced ahead to beat me. He pumped his arms in the air, then he turned back and clapped for me as I crossed the line. “Let’s go! Way to go, Dad!”

Maybe I’m biased, but if that scene doesn’t warm your heart, then well, I don’t know what to tell you. But as sweet and special as it was, the thought crossed my mind that I should leave him there and go another 2.1 miles to get my 5K in to restart the streak, or goal, or whatever I needed to do to get back on the 5K train. Then I came to my senses. What a schmuck I am sometimes. This moment wasn’t about a silly goal. This was way bigger than that. My son just ran a mile in the dark to keep me company while I was sick. I couldn’t “one-up” that moment by trying to do more. We needed to high-five then walk inside together, take off our shoes together, grab some water, and sit in that moment…together. I was good with just a mile. I was great with a mile. The “365 streak” was alive. And more importantly, I shared a fun life memory with my son.

I’ve reflected on that moment for some time. Seeing the lightbulb go of in your kids after they’ve learned something new, seeing them grow “courage muscles” after they’ve tried something scary, seeing them go out of their way to help their mom, or seeing them give their last piece of candy away (remember the Mambas?)…these are all some of the greatest moments to observe as a father. Life gets busy and distracting, but I try to notice and cherish and celebrate these moments as much as possible.

One of the benefits of running regularly has been seeing my kids want to run, too. Here is an example of a brief scene that has happened a few times, with different kids:

“Hey! Where did you go?” I ask, knowing what the answer is going to be…

“Oh, just for a little run,” they say, sweating and breathing hard.

I asked the question because I was a little surprised, and so happy to see it. I asked because I wanted them to feel the pride of giving an answer I knew they’d be proud to give. I asked because I, too, shared that same pride and wanted to make sure I paused what I was doing and share the brief moment with them.

When your kids surprise you, and do something productive or positive on their own, something a little outside of their normal routine or comfort zone…this is Dad Gold at its best and brightest. God be praised for these joyful, holy moments!

The next day, I was back to a 5K, and dare I say, I rather enjoyed it. Fear not, dear reader, I still hate getting started, but maybe I’ll end up liking this whole running thing more than I expected.

What I know now more than ever (thanks again to my son) is that my running “why” is much bigger than a streak. It’s about creating a healthy lifestyle that helps get me to my goal of golfing at age 90. It’s about reaching new limits and surpassing artificial barriers I’ve created for myself. It’s about setting an example for my kids to learn the value of exercise. It’s about doing one hard thing to make the next hard thing a little bit easier…

I’m learning that a lot has to go right to keep a good thing going. And yet, we can only control what we can control. Life happens, and we keep going. We keep showing up, and do the best with what we’ve got. I’m also learning that we’ve got more in us than we know. And just on the other side of a struggle, might be a streak you never thought possible…

Humble brag…earlier this week, I ran my 100^th 5K, which took me 102 days to do. The only two days I missed are the two days I recounted above. I’ve completed over 300 days in my hunt for 365…and I’m now trying to figure out what the next goal will be after I get my name on the Streak Runners International website.

Like the encouragement I get from my family, in real life (and in my dreams), consider this post my way of pulling up in a minivan alongside you…cheering you on to keep going in whatever it is you set out to accomplish, and give you a little motivation to finish strong.

Keep showing up.

You got this!

AP