"It's like the 4th of July is on your head..."
A Monday Mashup...
We all love a good shampoo lather in the shower. At least I think we all do. There is something in those suds that makes one feel productive and alive. Some of you know what I’m talking about. But maybe you haven’t paused to think about it in a while as it’s become a part of your daily routine. You might even be so efficient you use some of those head suds to start washing your body, business as usual. Whatever the case, when you rinse those suds next time, feel their weight, and listen to how they hit heavy on the floor. It sounds cool…and it feels good.
That is unless you bought sulfate-free shampoo like I did. What the heck is this sud-free nonsense?! You might know my frustration, and the magic trick I’m about to share…but maybe not…hear me out.
I love the smell of tea tree oil shampoo. That’s my go-to flavor. There is something in the minty aroma that makes me feel extra fresh. A couple of years ago I picked up a bottle at the store, got in the shower, and as expected loved the smell. But when I put the shampoo in my hair I got nothing. No suds. It was weird. I was washing my hair as usual but I had no suds to come along for the ride and help me do the job. My hair smelled clean, but it just didn’t feel right. This went on for weeks, and after a couple of months of frustration, I finally said something to my wife.
She said, “That’s because it’s sulfate-free.” I was totally confused. I stared at her and thought at first maybe I needed more sulfate in my life. Not even sure how to respond I said, “Well that’s dumb.” She saw my confusion and my frustration and said, “But there is a trick.” Then looked at me for a second with a face that made it hard for me to tell if she was serious or messing with me. At this point, I’m still very stumped. There is a trick to shampoo? What have I been missing? Gullible enough to believe this wasn’t a joke I had a feeling this was going to be a “today years old” moment when she finally told me what to do. She explained, “Wash your hair once, just use a small amount of soap. Then wash your hair a second time, again just use a small amount of soap. Then see what happens.” She then smiled and walked away. That was it. Still quite skeptical, the next day I did as she suggested. First round, the same frustrating sud-free wash. But then, the moment of truth…when that second round of soap was applied, BOOM! My wizard wife was right. There was instantly a sud explosion. I couldn’t believe it. I looked around thinking I’d find someone within earshot to share my childlike amazement with. No one. No worries. With a head full of sulfate-free tea tree oil suds, I was amazed and grateful. My minty fresh shower finally felt complete.
Yes, there is science behind this. But I don’t actually know what it is, and I kind of like it that way. This is one of those times where I get to just enjoy the moment. If I don’t know the science, I can chalk it up as magic.
I now had a magic trick, but I never had a descriptive one-liner to reference this sud-filled explosion…until I was listening to Arthur Brooks being interviewed on the Jocko Podcast. At one point in the episode, as he described the neurological effects of the brain, he nonchalantly used a phrase that I’d never heard before and instantly loved: “It’s like the 4th of July is on your head…”
That’s it!
I enjoyed the entire conversation these two had. It started with the backstory of Arthur’s unique life, including his pursuit of being the greatest French horn player. Then, it shifted to cover his academic career beyond music, his marriage, his travels, and how his professional life has been intentionally reinvented every ten years. It was all very fascinating, and the time surprisingly flew by, which is not always the case with some of these long-form podcasts.
At 2 hours and 6 minutes into the episode, Jocko started talking about a study in Arthur’s latest book, “Build the Life You Want,” co-authored by Oprah Winfrey. At one point in the book, they studied three groups of people. The first group was called the “Moral Deeds” group and they were instructed to go out and do at least one moral deed for someone else…a random act of kindness. The second group was called the “Moral Thoughts” group, who were directed to go out and have at least one moral thought for others. The third group was the “Treat Yourself” group, directed to do at least one positive thing for yourself.
What the study found was that the Moral Deeds group scored higher than the Moral Thoughts group, and both scored higher than the Treat Yourself group on a range of well-being measures. Simply said, those caring for others actively felt a greater purpose in life. Jocko paused, then said, “You may want to pay attention to that, people!” Arthur smiles, then says, “This is the thing. If you are feeling bad and don’t know what to do, HELP SOMEBODY. If you don’t know what to do and you’re feeling crummy, go help somebody, go do something.”
Then the conversation shifts some to talk about more of the social science research around the four pillars in the book. The book says there are thousands of dubious happiness hacks on the internet but they are all trivial. To combat that, Arthur teaches one to have a “happiness 401K plan” a portfolio of things that we should invest in every day: faith, family, friendship, and work.
On faith; he suggests paying attention to your faith and your spiritual walk…every day. Intentionally “making yourself small”, zooming out, for a new perspective, and transcendent growth.
On family; he mentions the “neurophysiology of oxytocin, which is the neuropeptide that bonds us to each other…especially acute and especially intense in the case of family relationships…it’s magic, man.”
Which brings us to the mashup quote of the day. Considering the effect of hormones on social bonding Arthur continues…
“Remember when your first baby was born and you made eye contact with your first baby? You would literally die for that baby, in one second. It’s like the 4th of July is on your head. And it’s weird because you didn’t know that baby, that baby didn’t know you, and yet, that’s magic. And people are walking away from those relationships…”
On friends; he calls it a crisis in America, arguing that technology has made it increasingly difficult to have in-person relationships. He emphasizes having real friends, not “deal friends,” and not virtual friendships.
On work; “You’ve got to do two things with work. You’ve got to earn your success the old-fashioned way through hard work, personal merit, and responsibility. And you’ve got to serve others.”
He pauses and concludes his thought with, “If you do those things, your life is going to change. But you’ve got to not be distracted, and you have to pay attention. You have to do it on purpose…that’s actually worth a strategic plan for the rest of your life…”
Then Arthur adds, “Those are the strategies that get you to the basic macronutrients…of happiness…which are enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. The way you feed yourself those things…are with faith, family, friends, and work. You need a strategy for that.”
There is plenty more in the podcast (and in the book), but I’ll leave you with that.
What do I think? Thanks for asking. I like it. It’s worth a listen. As for the advice, I tend to be an “all of the above” solution guy. When possible. Maybe that’s why I like a good mashup. So I say, yes, be sure to double up on your sulfate-free shampoo to treat yourself to an amazing sud-filled moment of self-care. If this is new to you, I hope you too experience it with childlike wonder. But better yet, as Arthur argues, double down on your moral deeds and thoughts to create the quality time you need to spend on your faith and with (and for) others. Both suds and buds will do you some good. Both are like the 4th of July on your head. But the lather won’t last like the latter will. In the long run, “other care” always beats self-care.
But, you don’t have to take my word for it. There is science (and magic) to prove that your intentional investment in time well spent with faith, family, friends, and work is where you’ll find, not just happiness, but real joy.
-AP